SEX - It is embraced by some, despised by others, shunned, controlled, abused, enjoyed...
It is a conversation starter and finisher. Even those that fear it, are often intrigued by it. It is the foundation for transformation and connection and the "root of all evil" for others.
What is your relationship with sex? What does it mean to you?
We are all unique organisms created through orgasm. This is a fact.
Sex and sexuality starts with ourselves and we each are responsible for our sexuality. One of the greatest causes of relationship issues and abuse is that we hold others responsible for our sexuality and by doing so attempt to control. How can we allow someone else to be responsible for something that cannot be duplicated, that cannot be manufactured (although media portrays otherwise) but is so intimately unique to each and everyone of us?
Becoming sexually empowered means that you take ownership of your sexuality, make your own choices, and respect your needs and desires. Different things can be sexually empowering to different people, so the journey will be unique to you. In order to become sexually empowered, you may have to break away from the stereotypes that society enforces on people and confront negative feelings that you have acquired about sexuality.
One of my greatest experiences is when I am in a room full of people of all different walks of life and I am asked "what work do you do?" My response is that I talk about sex. The reactions are almost cookie cutter - even those that are most sexually comfortable, at first respond by saying nothing or they change the subject. Usually within 20 to 30 minutes, those very same people seek me out and ask questions and/or share their story.
I invite you to share your story with me but more importantly, strip away your layers one at a time and be not afraid….
Let's start by getting COMFORTABLE. Imagine for a moment that you are completely in charge of your sexuality, that your intimate relationship with yourself has enabled you to know your body mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually, that without question or constraints you are able to tap into your greatest desires, those which you value most and are essential to your being? Taking it one step further, because you own your unique sexuality, you express it to those that you chose to be with, and that it is a DEAL breaker for you if you are not completely in alignment. Once you make the move in honoring yourself it is very difficult to go back to the “old” way of being.
What is it about the word "sex" that creates such a varied reaction in people? The impact of the word holds history, misinformation, propaganda, shame, fear, excitement, endings and happy endings (!) and hope of new beginnings. Mixed with these are our own individual desires, regrets and misgivings and an association to our identity.
Given the magnitude of mixed and negative sexual messages that are part of our culture, it is not necessarily easy to develop a healthy sexual relationship with ourselves.
Many people in relationships have reported that despite having lived with their partner for years, they have had few if not any conversations about their sexual needs. The reasons range from embarrassment, to lack of awareness about what it means to have personal sexual needs.
Once we start to become curious to what we value most, we can crack open the door to desire.
Healthy curiosity involves learning. Let's start with physiology. Clients and peers confess to me that although they have an idea of their "parts" they really do not know their own anatomy nor do they fully know the anatomy of the opposite sex. This commonality is not distinctive to gender.
I suggest you get educated - inside and out - YES, PUN intended. Get to know YOU inside and out. (Mirrors work well). Explore yourself and express yourself.
Will you risk the opinions of others? Perhaps, but who oversees you? What is most important to you? Is it getting "authentically naked" or is it being one of the crowd?
The choice is yours and I am here to help you with this.
We are an ever changing, evolving species. It is a misconception that a desire or sensation that we have at present will remain indefinitely. Once we accept that change is a constant, we limit the control of another’s changes and the need to redefine ourselves based on some ideal or belief.
Often change is threatening, especially in the confines of a relationship. A common theme held by couples is that one partner has lost interest or desire in sex. This is not necessarily what is really going on. The loss of interest or desire can be associated with a holding on to the past and the relationship with that person. So much so that there is a closing off to change and adaptation to change. There is often an inability to let go of the past for fear of the unknown of the future. The constant “this is what we used to have” causes couples to get stuck and limits an openness to sexual growth and intimacy together. If a couple cannot expand their original foundation to accommodate personal growth, the relationship disintegrates. However, an openness to change brings new beginnings. Most importantly, it is enables sexual authenticity.
Just imagine relationships built on authenticity... There’s that buzz word again. If you missed my recent blog, you can read it here.
Indeed, many of us are interested in becoming more "conscious" but at the same time we find it frightening because it means we must take personal responsibility for ourselves - for our sexuality, our attitudes, our health, our relationships.
Consider for a moment that learning is delicious, that the more aware of ourselves we become the more consciously we can utilize the energy of our true authenticity. It is not what we choose that matters. Rather, our power to influence an outcome lies in our reasons for making a specific choice.
When we take ownership of our bodies and our sexuality, we create trust with our own desires and pleasures and through this process life will become more transformative.
The opportunities for all of us to be truly free and in our embodied power to create the lives we desire are unlike any time before.
In support of your sexual empowerment,