So here I am. It’s midnight on a Monday night in late April and I sit alone at my kitchen counter. My soon-to-be husband is sleeping, my daughter is at her dad’s and my common-law dog is prancing around dazed and confused, likely picking up on my energy, which he often does. As I mindlessly nibble at way-too-healthy granola (recipe compliments of a past lover), I am reminded of the fact that life events can often be very different from what we had anticipated.
For over 30 years I have wanted to create a business that honors and promotes sexuality by way of education and support for all ages and stages of life. Over the past 5 years I redirected my professional education and life experience into an entrepreneurship platform while still maintaining a career in another field; dismantling a family and creating a new one, juggling priorities and balancing time to pursue education and to launch my website, one of the first stages in a long list of business building necessities. I envisioned that when the button was clicked and the website became live, my life would, at least for a moment be different - there would be joyous shared celebration with my partner (the website creative guru), excitement and speculative discussions of next steps.
But no, there was none of this. My other half went to bed without me, cranky from too many nights of insomnia and long work hours. My daughter, family and friends were all asleep.
I am reminded of the countless times when life was different than I hoped - the date that looked nothing like his photo, the movie-screen kiss that I had imagined turned out to be sloppy and wet, the hug was clinical, the conversation was strained, the sex was mediocre.
I recall too the times that experiences worked out better than I anticipated -a thoughtful gesture by a friend, a romantic encounter that was life-altering, a trip that was exhilarating, a pleasurable moment that enhanced my view of the world.
Often, the greatest discovery my clients make during coaching, is recognizing their power to change the way they think, which in turn, changes the way they act. This process of reframing enables us to alter our outlook in a way that best serves us as opposed to dwelling on disappointment.
When we observe our emotions rather than attaching to them, there is opportunity for self growth.
In these moments I ask “what do I need that I can provide to myself?”
This, in turn, takes the responsibility off others and redirects the focus to personal resources which then fosters self worth. Through this process, we are then able to determine what changes we need and the support we need to make these changes. It could be a different way of communicating about our needs, greater self care, the recognition of personal successes or an adjustment to life circumstances.
When we explore our values, and learn to honor our unique needs, we are better equipped to make decisions that support our whole self.
In recognition of all of my accomplishments to date and the honoring of my own self care, I will head to bed with the knowing that tomorrow brings great opportunity. I will seek to celebrate this milestone with my loved ones and I will continue to build my business one thought, one bowl of granola and one building block at a time. Without question I will put a whole lot of heart into it. ♥